


these last words, are ours.

by woobot (lu_woo)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Mentions of Blood, implied johnny/doyoung, side jaehyun/jungwoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-25 13:02:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18261824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lu_woo/pseuds/woobot
Summary: Jungwoo is scared of death.Doyoung isn't.





	these last words, are ours.

**Author's Note:**

> **warnings:** implied death, mentions of blood

“I would like to make a toast!” Doyoung’s voice is loud, words laced with laughter as he taps his knife against the wine glass. “Hey, hey!” Doyoung says loudly, attempting to get the room to quiet down. It takes a full minute before everyone’s voices are down to a whisper and nearly everyone has their eyes on him. 

“I would like to make a toast,” he starts again, clearing his throat to try and rid the sudden nervousness that’s bubbled at the back of his throat. Doyoung looks around, eyes scanning across the nearly hundred pair of eyes that are watching him. All the confidence he had moments ago is slowly leaving him the longer he lets words linger on his tongue. With a breath, Doyoung finishes. “To my best friend.” 

Doyoung’s eyes look over at Jungwoo. He’s got a smile on his lips and the softest shade of pink on his cheeks that could certainly be from the almost empty glass of champagne in front of him. Jungwoo waves his hand at him, fingers wiggling as he mouths something that Doyoung can’t make out before he gives him a thumbs up. Doyoung lets his eyes linger on the boy before he sees the person next to Jungwoo, run his hand down his back slowly, making Jungwoo break eye contact with Doyoung. 

“Jungwoo,” Doyoung says quietly, “You’ve been my best friend for over ten years now,” Doyoung lets out a laugh as he licks at his lips, eyes blinking down at the full plate of food still on the table in front of him. “I’m thankful that you’ve put up with me for this long.” There’s a roll of laughter through the room and Doyoung can’t help the small laugh that pushes past his lips as well. 

Doyoung sucks in a breath, fingers curling around his glass, champagne wobbling gently as he stares down at his food. The words seem to leave him again, mind wandering places where it shouldn’t. Doyoung’s hand reaches up, fingers pushing through his hair, bangs slipping out of the position they’ve been in thanks to a heavy amount of hairspray. His lips press together slowly, teeth biting down at the corner. 

 

 

 

 

_“Through all the hardships, you’ve always been there for me. Even that time that I passed out on the way home from the bar and then threw up on your floor.”_

_Doyoung scrunches his nose up as he looks down at his piece of paper. He quickly presses it against the wall, pen scribbling out the last sentence. Doyoung’s eyes scan over the paragraphs that are written, brows furrowing and a sigh leaving his lips. He taps the pen against his cheek, socked feet making loud taps against the floor as he paces back and forth._

_“Why is this so hard,” he groans out, hand running through his hair, ruffling it up slowly. Doyoung reads over the words again, silently reciting them for the hundredth time in the last hour._

_He’s written plenty of speeches in his lifetime. Ones that he had to present in front of professors for a grade during his final year of college. He’s stood in the auditorium and gave an hour long lecture about the pseudo soulmate epidemic. Doyoung has had to write difficult medical reports that had him with nearly a dozen books open for references. This shouldn’t be as hard as it is._

_Yet for some reason it is. It’s kept him up for hours at night, eyes staring at the ceiling, thinking. Doyoung’s carried this piece of paper with him nearly everywhere he goes, tugging it out while waiting in line for his coffee and on the subway. It’s corners are curled and there’s wrinkles throughout from the time he crumpled it up and threw it away, immediately taking it out of the trashcan and attempting to straighten it out instead of getting a new piece of paper._

_“I’ve always loved you, Jungwoo. Not as a friend but romantically.” Doyoung whispers to himself, fingers squeezes the sides of the paper. With a shake of his head, he sighs, “Yeah, that’s perfect Doyoung, I’m sure Jaehyun would be happy with your love confession to Jungwoo at their wedding.”_

_Doyoung sets the paper down on the coffee table, tossing the pen down, watching it roll off the table and onto the floor. He reaches his hand up, teeth biting down at the corner of his nails, foot tapping against the floor. This shouldn’t be as hard as it is. Yet Doyoung finds himself like this nearly every evening. It’s been the thing that wakes him up early. The reason he’s on his fourth cup of coffee today. The cause of the dark circles under his eyes that he doesn’t bother trying to cover up. It’s the paper he stares at while he sits in his office instead of the stack of paperwork that needs to get done._

_There’s just too many words that Doyoung wants to say. Too many things that he shouldn’t say but those are the ones that linger on the tips of his fingers as he taps the pen against the paper._

 

 

 

 

“I want to start out by saying how proud I am of you,” Doyoung says, voice beginning to shake. “I never would have guessed, the shy, closed off boy I met the first year of college would become one of the country’s top ER doctors.” Doyoung looks over at Jungwoo, watching the way his eyes light up at the compliment. With a gentle smile, Doyoung continues, eyes locking with Jungwoo’s. “I remember how scared you were when you came back from your first clinical.” 

 

 

 

 

__

_There’s a loud thump that has Doyoung tugging his headphones off his head. He looks over towards the door to meet eyes with Jungwoo. Doyoung’s brows furrow, body sliding off the chair slowly as he tilts his head. “Woo, what’s wrong?”_

_Jungwoo is standing in front of the door, eyes wide and face as pale as the snow falling outside the window behind him. Doyoung walks over to him, stepping over the piles of books they have scattered throughout the dorm room. Jungwoo doesn’t budge. He stands still, arms stiff against his sides and lips pressed tightly together. “So much blood,” he says quietly, words barely leaving his lips._

_“Huh?”_

_Jungwoo walks past him, sitting down on his bed slowly, butt hardly even on the bed, feet planted against the floor and hands on his lap. “So much blood,” he says again, eyes wide and face seeming even paler. Then it clicks. Doyoung lets out a laugh, one that has his mouth open wide and his gums showing. Jungwoo whines, shoulders relaxing as he looks over at Doyoung. “Not funny!” Jungwoo huffs, arms crossing, body falling back against the bed. “Of course I had to be the one to get the patient with the worst trauma! I got blood on my cheek!” Jungwoo throws his hands up in the air and letting them land on his face. “I think I spent an hour in the shower washing my face. It’s probably all dry and gross now.”_

_Doyoung rolls his eyes, walking over to the bed, sliding on it next to Jungwoo. The other parts his fingers, eyes peeking out at him from the spaces. “I hate to break it to you, Jungwoo, but I have a feeling you’re going to be seeing a lot of blood.”_

_There’s a whine and in seconds, Jungwoo has his arms wrapped around Doyoung’s side, eyes big and eyelashes batting at him. “Doyoung,” he says long and whiney. “I don’t wanna.” Jungwoo presses his face against his side. “I’m changing my major. I’m going to do something simple like literature.”_

_“Woo,” Doyoung starts, fingers running through Jungwoo’s brown hair, “You’re being dramatic.” Doyoung leans against the other, finger reaching down and poking his cheek. “You can’t let a little blood ruin your dreams. Besides,” Doyoung licks his lips, tucking pieces of hair behind Jungwoo’s ear. “This is your dream. You know it is. Don’t let the first day ruin everything that you’ve studied for.”_

_Jungwoo tilts his head, cheek pressing against Doyoung’s hip. His lips purse out into a pout before he looks up at Doyoung. “I know,” he says with a sigh. “It’s just so different. The books don’t make it seem as scary as it is.” Jungwoo’s fingers press against Doyoung’s jeans, nails picking at the seam. “I mean, it’s people lives. I’m responsible for them. If I mess up,” Jungwoo sucks in a breath, finger pushing against Doyoung’s thigh, “it’s not something I can just fix easily, you know?”_

_It’s not the first time they’ve had a conversation like this. It’s a topic that has kept them up at night. A conversation that’s had them both on the floor, eyes tired behind glasses, books on their laps and coffee by their knees. A topic that had Doyoung crawling in Jungwoo’s bed in the middle of the night, voices quiet as they talk. Questioning their future, their choices, wondering if they’ve made the right decisions._

_They’re both studying to be doctors. Jungwoo is studying emergency medicine while Doyoung is studying to be a mortician. It’s ironic in a way. Jungwoo is focused on saving people and Doyoung is focused on those people that didn’t make it._

 

 

 

 

 

Doyoung’s thighs press against the curve of the table in front of him. He licks at his lips, eyes still staring into Jungwoo’s from where he’s standing. They’re not far, only one table between them. Jungwoo’s cheeks are sparkling from the mist Doyoung sprayed on him while they were getting ready. He can see the chapstick on his lips shimmering from the lights that line the ceiling. 

It’s only when Jungwoo tilts his head, eyes blinking at him and lips parting does Doyoung realize that he’s been staring for longer than he should be. Even Jaehyun is looking at him now, eyes are subtling asking him to continue. Doyoung’s eyes return to looking at his plate on the table. Steak that is definitely cold now along with a small pile of potatoes that have turned brown around the juice coming from the steak. 

“Um,” Doyoung starts quietly, “Sorry,” he laughs out, tongue darting out to lick at his lips. “I had this all written out but I can’t seem to remember any of it now.” 

Just as writing the speech shouldn’t have been as hard as it was, standing in front of a room full of friends and family that he was more than familiar with, shouldn’t be hard either. Doyoung looks up from his plate, letting his eyes scan the room as his foot taps against the floor. There’s all his friends staring at him. He sees Yuta and Sicheng in the back, hands waving and Yuta is mouthing something that Doyoung can’t make out. Taeil is looking at him with sleepy eyes, hand wrapped around his glass of champagne that’s empty. Taeyong is seated next to him, head tilted and eyes nearly as wide as Doyoung’s own eyes. 

Johnny is the one to gently hit the back of his leg, making Doyoung look down at him. Johnny blinks, eyebrow raising and knuckles nudging against Doyoung’s trousers. He shouldn’t be this nervous. This shouldn’t be hard. Doyoung’s stood in front of the mirror for hours reciting his speech, making sure it’s perfect. Yet his speech isn’t the words that linger on his tongue. 

“I remember,” the words fade into the silence in the room and it takes a minute for Doyoung to continue, “All the late nights and early mornings. The hours we spent studying for tests and finals. The nights where you worked at the hospital until nine in the morning but you would come home with the biggest smile on your lips.” 

Doyoung knows he should stop, knows this isn’t what he should be saying, but he can’t.He doesn’t say it bluntly, but he can see the way Jungwoo shifts in his seat when he looks over at him. Doyoung doesn’t need to spell it out. He knows that Jungwoo remembers. 

 

 

 

 

 

_The door opens at exactly nine-twenty-seven. Doyoung looks up from his phone, head tilting to watch as Jungwoo kicks his shoes off. It only takes seconds before their eyes meet. Jungwoo walks over to him quickly, lips curled up into a smile. The boy slides on the bed, settling on Doyoung’s thighs._

_“How’d it go?” Doyoung asks, phone being set next to him and hands pushing their way up Jungwoo’s thighs, squeezing at them gently._

_“Amazing,” the other breathes out._

_Then their lips meet. Doyoung wraps his arms around Jungwoo’s shoulders, pulling him down closer. Jungwoo scoots back on Doyoung’s legs until he can press their chests together. The kiss is soft. Jungwoo’s fingers thread through Doyoung’s messy sleep hair, fingers occasionally tucking the longer pieces behind his ear. Doyoung’s own hands are busy rubbing at Jungwoo’s shoulders, knowing it’s the place that’s always sore after long nights._

_“You smell like bleach,” Doyoung says in a laugh against Jungwoo’s lips._

_Jungwoo’s fingers grip at Doyoung’s ear, pinching it gently. “Well you have morning breath and I can tell you’ve been sweating in your sleep again.”_

_“Well I guess we both need a shower then.”_

_Jungwoo smiles, nodding as he sits up, Doyoung letting his arms fall from Jungwoo’s shoulders. Their hands intertwine, fingers nestled perfectly in the spaces between. Jungwoo pulls Doyoung out of bed, lips pressing together again in a gentle kiss before pulling away completely._

 

 

 

 

This isn’t about him. This isn’t about them. Not what they were. This, tonight, was about Jungwoo and Jaehyun. The people scattered throughout the room weren’t here to listen to Doyoung spill out memories of the days where Jungwoo would cling to him. Days where they would hold hands and walk through the park when they didn’t work. That’s not why they’re here. But it’s the only thing that Doyoung seems to be thinking about. 

It’s been on his mind all night. From the second he saw the way Jungwoo looked at Jaehyun while they exchanged vows. How his eyes sparkled with more than just tears. The way he held his arms against his chest, lips parted and nervous laughter spilling from his mouth. Everything was so familiar. It’s something that Doyoung used to experience. Something he could watch happen because of him. 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Where are we going?” Jungwoo laughs out, legs wiggling slightly and Doyoung bumps into him because he’s stopped walking._

_Doyoung’s fingers wiggle against Jungwoo’s face, hand carefully covering his eyes as he continues to guide him down the path. “I told you it’s a secret!”_

_“You know I get nervous about secrets!” Jungwoo laughs, hand reaching back to grip at Doyoung’s wrist, holding it tightly._

_“We’re almost there, okay? I promise you’ll be happy.”_

_They walk together in silence for the last few minutes. Jungwoo occasionally lets out a laugh, more of a giggle in Doyoung’s opinion. It’s the first time that they’ve done something like this. Even as friends, they always agreed on where they were going or what they were doing. But Doyoung wanted to treat Jungwoo. Both of them have been stuck at the hospital, only coming home for a few hours before their phones ring._

_Jungwoo is worse. He has a schedule but it’s often broken. Most days he goes in at seven and comes home at five. There are times his phone vibrates the bed at three in the morning. Times where he gets his shoes off and a kiss in before he’s being called back. Jungwoo hardly ever complains. Even the times where they go nearly two days without seeing each other, the only complaint that comes from his lips is one of missing Doyoung._

_Doyoung has an easier time when he goes to his so called clinicals. There’s no emergency calls in the early mornings. Sometimes late nights but it’s mostly his own decision to stay. Most evenings, he finds himself in their dorm room, headphones over his ears and eyes busy studying while he waits for Jungwoo to get home. It happens more than he’d like. Nights where he stays awake far past the time they normally go to bed, waiting, only for Jungwoo to crawl into Doyoung’s bed once he’s already fallen asleep, quiet apologies being whispered in his ear._

_This is a treat. They haven’t had a whole day to themselves since they started their final year of college. It’s always been a few hours here and there to rush to do something. Rush to go eat together, rush to go to the bookstore and grab new study materials, rush to spend time together._

_“Open your eyes,” Doyoung says quietly as he pulls his hand away from Jungwoo’s face._

_It isn’t much, not technically anything at all. There’s nothing going on around them. No festival or holiday celebrations. Simply the two of them and the river. Doyoung’s picked a spot that has the best view, something he spent hours trying to find the other night. The way the lights from the bridge sparkle against the slow moving water of the river. How the flowers have started to bloom in the planters that line the steps leading down to the water. The single bench that has the perfect view of the rest of the city across from them. Everything was beautiful._

_“I know,” he starts, hand reaching up to rub at his arm. “I know it’s not really anything but I thought maybe we could sit and just relax for a bit?”_

_Jungwoo’s eyes hold more emotion than he’s ever seen. Even in the dim lighting, he can see the way they sparkle at him. It makes Doyoung’s heart speed up and his fingers curl against his arm, goosebumps under his nails as the wind blows gently._

_“This is beautiful,” Jungwoo breathes out. His hands cup at Doyoung’s cheeks, pulling him close enough for their lips to meet. Doyoung’s hands find their way onto Jungwoo’s hips, thumbs hooking around the empty belt loops. The tips of Jungwoo’s fingers push into Doyoung’s hair, his own thumbs rubbing along the curves of Doyoung’s cheeks._

_It’s not the dinner that Jungwoo has been subtly hinting at. Nor is it a trip to the amusement park that he sent a link to the other day. But it’s enough. It’s enough for Doyoung to feel Jungwoo’s heart beating against his chest when he wraps his arms around him and pulls him into a hug. It’s enough to have tears sliding down Jungwoo’s cheek when they pull away. Enough to see the shy smile and whiny laughs as Jungwoo wipes the tears away with the sleeve of his sweater._

_It’s enough for Jungwoo to whisper for the first time, that he loves Doyoung._

 

 

 

 

“I guess what I want to say,” Doyoung closes his eyes, fingers pressing against the tablecloth. The words are right there, desperately wanting to be said. Doyoung has never had to hold back anything as much as he has to right now. “Jungwoo, I-” 

Doyoung’s eyes open to see Jungwoo shifting in his seat. His eyes scan the room for the hundredth time, watching as everyone’s faces have been pulled down into what he thinks is sadness. They all know. They all were there through it. 

Sicheng was there when Doyoung told him that he had confessed to Jungwoo. Taeil was there when they went on their first date. Taeyong was there when Jungwoo joined him for their weekly breakfast at the cafe down the street from their university. Yuta was the one to introduce them to Jaehyun. And Johnny was the one that opened the door when Doyoung came to him in the middle of the night when he had called Jungwoo to see if he was coming home soon, only to hear Jaehyun’s voice in the back. 

 

 

 

 

_“He’s with Jaehyun,” Doyoung says as he pushes past Johnny, sneakers being kicked into the wall as he slides them off._

_“So?”_

_Doyoung turns his head, glaring back at the taller one. “He’s supposed to be home right now.”_

_Johnny sighs, arms crossing over his chest and shoulder leaning against the tall bookshelf next to his desk. “Did you guys have plans?”_

_The question makes Doyoung’s fingers curl into his palms. “No but,” he stops, teeth biting down onto his bottom lip, gaze tilting downwards to the floor. “He didn’t even..tell me he was going to stay late.”_

_There’s silence, one that allows Doyoung’s mind to race. There’s so many questions, too many for him to even sort properly. They didn’t have plans. They never communicated on wanting to do something when Jungwoo gets back to their dorm. Doyoung didn’t have a problem with Jungwoo staying out late. Didn’t need to know what he does after work. Yet there was something unsettling to him to hear Jaehyun’s voice on the other side of the phone, mixing with Jungwoo’s._

_“Jaehyun’s his friend,” Johnny says with a sigh, head tilting down as he scratches at the back of his neck. “Your friend too. I’m sure they’re just finishing up work things.”_

_Jaehyun has already graduated college. He’s one year into his residency and ever since Yuta introduced Jungwoo to him, the boy has been talking to him more often than Doyoung wants. It’s selfish really. Doyoung doesn’t want to be jealous, doesn’t want to think badly of Jungwoo._

_“Doyoung,” Johnny’s hand squeezes at his shoulder, making Doyoung look up at him slowly. “Talk to him if you’re worried.”_

_Doyoung’s shoulders relax, hands pressing against his face when Johnny pulls away. “I just-” he pauses, eyes wide as he presses his palms against his cheeks. “I’ve always believed that we’re soulmates,” a pause and a breath, “ever since I saw him at orientation, I just had this feeling.” Doyoung blinks as he looks up at Johnny. “I don’t want to be wrong.”_

_“You and I both know that there’s only one way to know the truth.”_

_The words make Doyoung’s eyes close slowly. The thought of how he has to find out, makes his stomach churn and Doyoung feels a wave of nausea hit him. Images of bloody words carved into pale blue skin fill his mind. The bright fluorescent lights that make his eyes hurt. The overwhelming smell of embalming fluid and the sting in the back of his throat that comes with the stench of death._

_It’s the cause of most deaths recently. There’s been a spike in people with words, sentences, even a simple character, carved into their arms. Doyoung’s read each one, curious to see what their last words were. Each person is different. He’s read ones where it’s talking about a TV show. Ones where they’re ordering food. Then there’s confessions, people that knew they were going to die. People that were on their deathbeds already, able to tell it’s going to be their last breath. The worst part is, they rarely come in pairs. It happens sometimes, Doyoung being able to match the words on their arms up. More often than not though, it’s only one of them._

_“I won’t know until one of us dies,” he whispers, teeth digging into his bottom lip._

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ve always loved you.” 

There’s the reaction that Doyoung expected. He watches as people’s heads tilt downwards, almost in shame for Doyoung, not even wanting to look at him. Johnny’s hand is tugging at the sleeve of his button up and Doyoung can hear him say _Doyoung, stop._ A desperate plea that has Doyoung’s eyes beginning to water. 

This isn’t the time or place. There isn’t a time or place for this anymore. They’re at Jaehyun and Jungwoo’s wedding. Tonight is about them, not about what Doyoung and Jungwoo once were. Doyoung knows that, knows that very well. The rest of them do too, that’s why they can’t look at Doyoung. 

“From the first time I saw you,” Doyoung starts again, clearing his throat as he looks over at Jungwoo. The boy’s face is contorted in sadness, hands gripping at Jaehyun’s on the table. “When you sat next to me during orientation all those years ago, Jungwoo, I always thought that we were soulmates.” Doyoung lets out a laugh, one that’s interrupted by the smallest of breaks in his voice. “I know that sounds stupid but,” a breath, “I always had this feeling.” 

“Doyoung,” Johnny’s voice comes louder this time and Doyoung pushes his hand away from his arm. 

“Do you remember when we talked about it? We,” Doyoung pauses, letting a smile full of sadness tug his lips up. “We were laying on my bed at nearly five in the morning because we couldn’t sleep. When I told you, you said you had the same feeling too.” Doyoung bites at his lip, eyes blinking to push the tears out, letting them slide all the way off his face before his hand reaches up, wiping at the wet trails they left behind. “But you know, they say everything happens for a reason and hopefully the reason is that we aren’t soulmates. That we were never meant to be together in the first place.” 

 

 

 

 

_Doyoung pushes his chopsticks into his ramen, watching the way small ripples hit the sides of the bowl from how he moves them. He hasn’t taken a single bite of noodles and hasn’t even tried the broth. Doyoung knows they’re not here to enjoy dinner. He has a feeling that’s made him lose his appetite._

_“Doyoung, you should eat.” Jungwoo’s voice is quiet, deeper than usual even. Doyoung looks up, watching as Jungwoo carefully pops a piece of sushi in his mouth. He’s nearly finished half already and gone through his cup of water. “Do you not like it or something?”_

_It makes his throat tighten at how casual Jungwoo is. The way he’s acting, gives Doyoung hope that maybe what Jungwoo wants to talk about isn’t what he thinks it is. Isn’t what’s been going through his mind lately. What isn’t the topic of their conversations recently. But when Jungwoo starts to speak after Doyoung picks up a small amount of noodles, he’s proven wrong._

_“I like Jaehyun.”_

_The noodles slide out from between his chopsticks and Doyoung watches as they sink down, fading into the broth. It’s not a surprise. Doyoung’s seen it coming. He’s felt it happening for months now._

_It started when Doyoung came home and saw Jaehyun seated on the bed with Jungwoo, textbooks covering their laps. Jungwoo was studying for finals, the last set of tests before they graduate. Doyoung saw the way Jungwoo looked at Jaehyun. It was the same way he would look at Doyoung when they first started dating. Watched the way Jungwoo grabbed onto Jaehyun’s arm as they laughed. Saw how Jaehyun’s eyes curled down into crescents and how his cheeks turned pink._

_Graduation came and went. Jungwoo became distant as he started his residency. They would meet up for lunch, settling on a bench in the courtyard of the hospital while the weather was still nice. Their weekend dates became sparse and Doyoung tried to pass it off as Jungwoo simply being exhausted, believing what he would say over the phone._

_Doyoung knows that Jungwoo’s been trying. It’s not as though he’s given up on their relationship completely. He can see the want to continue in his eyes, in the way he stares at Doyoung when he thinks he’s not looking. That’s the worst part._

_“I know,” Doyoung responds as he sets his chopsticks down on the plate next to his bowl. “I’ve had a feeling.”_

_Jungwoo’s fingers grab his chin, tilting Doyoung’s head up so their eyes meet. “Doyoung.” There’s sadness in his eyes, absolute sadness, the kind that can’t be mistaken. “I’m really sorry.”_

_“It’s fine.” It’s not._

_“I want this to work, I really do.” Jungwoo’s voice cracks as his hand pulls away from Doyoung’s chin. Doyoung watches the way his eyes blink quickly and his lips press together. He can tell that Jungwoo is trying not to cry. “But I just,” there’s defeat in his voice, “I can’t do it anymore. I don’t feel right.”_

 

 

 

 

“I know you’re happy,” Doyoung’s voice is broken and he watches as a new set of tears soak into the tablecloth. “I know we made the right decision, I can see that. Just know..” 

Johnny stands up. He wraps his arm around Doyoung’s shoulders. “Doyoung, let’s-” 

“I’ll always love you.” Jungwoo stands up this time. His chair nearly falls backwards, only staying up because Jaehyun catches it. “But your happiness is my happiness.” 

 

 

 

_“Are you happy?” Jungwoo tilts his head. Doyoung can tell he’s debating, wondering what he should say. Nothing comes from his lips, just a nod from his head. “That’s all that matters then,” Doyoung breathes out._

_The chair slides against the ground as Doyoung stands up. His hand digs in his pocket, fingers opening his wallet and a set of bills landing on the table. “Whatever is left you can keep.”_

_“Doyoung, can we,” Jungwoo swallows visibly, eyes wide with desperation. “Can we at least finish dinner together?”_

_It’s the way Jungwoo’s voice cracks and he can hear the sniffles coming from him, that make him shake his head. “I can’t sit here with you. I’m sorry.”_

_Doyoung wants to stay. He wants to sit down and stare at Jungwoo for hours. Wants to take in every bit of him he can get, knowing it’s possible that they might not see each other for a long time. But Doyoung knows that if he sits down, if he gives into his heart, he might not ever get up. This isn’t about him, at least he doesn’t want it to be. He can’t drag Jungwoo down with him._

 

 

 

 

The eyes he stares into, are ones full of tears. There’s a tear sliding down a rosy, sparkle covered, cheek as he blinks his own tears away. Those cheeks get closer, eyes become even more filled with water as Jungwoo walks over to him. Doyoung bites at his shaking lip, swallowing the sobs that have his chest twitching. There’s hands on his cheeks, thumbs pushed against the wet skin there and that’s when Doyoung lets go. 

His chest caves, teeth slipping off of his bottom lip and there’s an audible cry that echoes through the quiet room. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Doyoung’s speech had the most positive things. Had him talking about all of Jungwoo’s accomplishments. How he’s now one of the most sought after ER doctors in the country. How Jaehyun’s done amazing at teaching him things that Doyoung could never. This wasn’t about him. It’s never been about him. All he’s ever wanted is for Jungwoo to be happy. Yet for some reason, this one time during one of the most important things for Jungwoo, Doyoung finds himself being terribly selfish.

Jungwoo doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t say a single word until Doyoung opens his eyes, meeting with his. “Doyoung,” he says. Jungwoo’s voice is quiet, whisper broken with his own shaky voice. “Thank you.” 

Doyoung pulls away. He pulls away and shaky hands grab his suit jacket. Nobody says anything, nothing at all, as Doyoung keeps his eyes down on the floor as his feet tap against the ground. The sound of the door slamming behind him is the last thing he hears before the heaviness of the night fills the air. 

It’s colder than expected and Doyoung walks to his car quickly. As he slides in and shuts the door, Doyoung leans back against the seat. Hands press against his face, chest rising and falling quickly with each heavy sob that’s let out. This wasn’t about him. This was Jungwoo’s night and he ruined it. This night was supposed to be full of laughter and happiness and love, Jungwoo and Jaehyun’s love. 

His hand fumbles with putting his key in when his hands pull away from his face and tug his keys out of his jacket pocket. It’s only when he feels something warm on his leg, does Doyoung turn his car on, letting the lights turn on again. 

The world stops. Doyoung feels his chest tighten and he’s almost positive he goes nearly a minute without breathing. It takes a minute more for his eyes to focus on his arm. He grabs his jacket, pushing the sleeve against his arm, attempting to wipe away the small drops of blood that are scattered throughout. Before he can read it, there’s a knock on his window. 

Jungwoo is looking at him, eyes wide and it’s only when he slides into the car, does Doyoung realize that he’s taken his suit jacket off as well. It’s only when Jungwoo grabs Doyoung’s arm, does Doyoung realize that the white of Jungwoo’s shirt has turned red. 

 

 

 

 

 

_“Do soulmates die together usually?”_

_Doyoung hums, teeth biting down on his pen as he pushes another sticky note to the corner of the page he’s reading. “Not normally. I’ve seen a pair come in occasionally but it’s more common for a single person to show up.”_

_Jungwoo leans his cheek against his own book, fingers tapping against the desk, nails making the softest of sounds. “Would you be able to tell if they were soulmates?”_

_“I could put one and one together,” Doyoung laughs. “It would have to be the same subject and probably two things that relate to each other easily.”_

_There’s silence between them and Doyoung gets through two more pages, hand busy writing down notes before Jungwoo speaks again. “Do you think it hurts?”_

_Doyoung leans back in his chair, fingers tugging his glasses off, setting them down on his book as he rubs his forehead. “I would imagine so. I mean, words are getting carved into your skin.” Doyoung looks over at Jungwoo, watching the way he’s drawing circles on the piece of paper under his hand. “Though, maybe it doesn’t. I’ve never seen it happen to anyone so I don’t know.”_

_“Hm,” Jungwoo sighs, hand letting go of the pen. “If we are soulmates, what do you think ours would say?”_

_It’s not a topic that Doyoung likes to think about. Though, it isn’t always that easy and to say he hasn’t thought of the day where words are carved into his own skin, is a lie. “Hopefully something meaningful.”_

_Jungwoo laughs as he sits up, arms stretching enough for his shirt to ride up and his stomach to be exposed. Doyoung reaches over, fingers poking his side, watching the way Jungwoo gasps and twitches at the feeling. “I bet it’s going to be something wonderful.”_

 

 

 

 

Doyoung’s lets Jungwoo tilt his arm. Lets him stare at it for an amount of time that he can’t properly calculate. Jungwoo only lets go when Doyoung grabs his arm, quickly tugging the sleeve up, watching the way the blood streaks against his skin. His fingers rub at his arm, desperately trying to wipe the blood away to see the words better. When he does, Doyoung feels his heart drop to his stomach. 

They’re a matching set of words. Ones that go together perfectly, a fluid set of sentences. Ones that Doyoung would have probably pieced together after examining a set of bodies. The words are perfectly them. 

Doyoung watches as the light dims in the car, darkness filling the space between them. The lights that line the walkway from the building outside, are the only thing giving them the soft glow that outlines their features. 

Jungwoo is the one to wrap his arms around Doyoung. He’s the one to press his face against his shoulder and cry. There’s sobs and cries that jerk his whole body, making him fall against the center dividing them. Doyoung lets his arms wrap around Jungwoo slowly, one hand into his hair and the other rubbing his back. It takes a minute of listening to Jungwoo cry, cry his entire heart out, to make Doyoung start to do the same. 

There’s hands banging against the window of his car. Doyoung watches as Jaehyun is desperately looking in, hand hitting on the glass. Johnny comes behind him and there’s hands that pull on his shoulders. Doyoung can’t hear them over Jungwoo’s sobs, he can only watch as Jaehyun yells in Johnny’s face, hands waving at him. 

 

 

 

 

_“Are you scared to die?” Jungwoo purses his lips out as he bites down on his lollipop and Doyoung can hear the loud crack of it in his mouth. “You’re surrounded by dead people all day, isn’t that kind of..” Jungwoo shudders, shoulders shaking and nose scrunching up._

_“You get used to it.”_

_“Ugh,” Jungwoo says, lips pursing again and brows furrowing. “I’m terrified to die.”_

_Doyoung tilts his head, blinking as he leans back in his seat. “Why’s that?”_

_Jungwoo sits up, hand pushing through his hair and back straightening. “Well,” he sighs, tugging the empty lollipop stick out of his mouth. “I mean, most people don’t know that they’re going to die, you know? Even the elderly, sometimes they just die in their sleep and they don’t even get to say goodbye to anyone.”_

_“Is that what you’re scared of?” Doyoung licks at his lips, fingers pressing against the corner of his binder that’s on the table in front of him. “Dying alone?” There’s a shift in Jungwoo’s face after Doyoung finishes asking the question. One that has Doyoung biting the inside of his cheek and opening his binder. “Let’s not talk about this right now,” he says with a laugh. “We have a lot of planning to do.”_

_Jungwoo groans, elbows pressing against the table and palms pushing on his cheeks. “Right, if we don’t get this done I think Jaehyun’s going to be the one to kill me.”_

_“With good reason,” Doyoung laughs out, hand reaching over to flick at Jungwoo’s forehead. “This is his wedding too.”_

_“Thank you,” Jungwoo says as Doyoung opens the binder, “For helping with this.” There’s a pause, one long enough for Doyoung to dig the pen out of his bag and set it on the table. “I really wouldn’t want anyone else to help me. You know me the best and I trust you completely.”_

_A smile pulls Doyoung’s lips up, one that warms his heart and has his cheeks even turning a shade of pink. “I only want the best for you, Jungwoo. I always have and this is no exception.”_

 

 

 

 

 

At thirty-three, Doyoung didn’t expect to be facing death like he is. Facing it straight on, watching it look him in the eyes, telling him that it’s his time. There was still the mystery of how he’s going to die. It could be in a minute, two, three, even an hour. It’s this moment that Doyoung realizes that he isn’t scared of dying. He isn’t scared of not living his life anymore. 

They’ll be no more getting up at six and out the door by seven. No more washing his hands for hours after examining a handful of bodies that reek of despair and tragedy. No more going home at six to eat by himself in his apartment, eyes watching the news quietly. What he’s the most scared of is, saying goodbye to Jungwoo. 

Doyoung doesn’t know exactly how Jungwoo is feeling right now. All he knows is that he’s scared, surely beyond scared. The way his sobs are filling his ears. The way his body is shaking against his, hands twisted in his shirt. There’s a possibility that Doyoung is going to be the first to go and Jungwoo will have to watch him die. It’s the very scenario that had Jungwoo crying into his chest one night after a terrible nightmare. 

Doyoung is not scared of death. He’s scared of the feelings of others. Scared of how they’ll react, how he’ll never get to tell them how much they all mean to him. He won’t get to say goodbye to Johnny or Yuta. Won’t get to attend Taeil and Taeyong’s wedding next month. He won’t get to thank Sicheng for the one time he picked him up at the bar when he was drunk and took him home. Doyoung won’t get to tell Jaehyun thank you for caring for Jungwoo for all those years he didn’t let himself be apart of his life. 

Jungwoo is being pulled away from him. The sobs come louder from the other as Doyoung watches Jaehyun tug him out of the car. Watches the way Jungwoo melts into Jaehyun’s arms, voice becoming quiet when the door slams shut. It’s at that moment that Doyoung swallows, fingers wiping at his eyes before he settles in his seat, hands gripping at the steering wheel. He doesn't want to look over at them. Doesn't want to see Jungwoo cry anymore. He doesn't think he can watch tears fall from his eyes or see the way his mouth stays open as he sobs. 

 

 

 

 

 

_Johnny joins him at the sink, foot pushing down on the pedal as he holds his hands under the water. “It’s crazy to think we’re going to end up like this someday. You know, in a morgue with people touching our dead bodies.”_

_Doyoung can’t help but laugh as he digs his nails into his palm as he continues to wash his hands. “Well hopefully it won’t be until we’re old.”_

_They finish washing their hands quietly, the sound of the water hitting the deep metal sink being the only sound to fill the room. Doyoung leaves first, hands tugging on his jacket while he pulls his bag out of his locker. Johnny joins him several minutes later, practically following the same motions as Doyoung had._

_“Do you wanna get dinner,” Johnny says as his hand twists the key in the door, free hand tugging on the handle before he drops the set of keys in his bag. “There’s this new place near my apartment that has good wings.”_

_“Tempting,” Doyoung sighs, hands shoving their way into his pockets. “But I have a lot of work to do.”_

_“Really? We don’t have any more reports for this week-” Johnny gasps, hands grabbing at Doyoung’s shoulders as he shakes him gently. “Right? Oh my god, we have something to do?” He whines, stomping his foot as he grips Doyoung’s shoulders tightly._

_“No,” Doyoung laughs out, shaking his head quickly, “I’m helping Jungwoo and Jaehyun with their wedding planning, remember? I want to get the flower arrangements done soon so I don’t have to worry about them anymore.”_

_Johnny visibly deflates from relief. “Well,” he says, hands tugging his bag up on his shoulder more. “Can’t it wait for one night? I’d really like to have dinner with you. I’m sure Jungwoo will understand if you don’t sell your soul to him for one night.”_

_Doyoung smiles, sucking in a breath and rolling his eyes. “Fine but we’re not staying out late.”_

_When they stand together waiting for the subway car to arrive, Doyoung leans against Johnny, cheek pressed against his arm. “Johnny,” he says quietly, fingers playing with the straw wrapper he keeps forgetting to throw out. “Are you scared to die?”_

_“Hell yeah,” Johnny says with a laugh. “There’s just,” he pauses before tilting down to lean his own cheek against the top of Doyoung’s head. “So many ways to die and who knows when it could happen.”_

_The car comes and they find themselves settled at the end, sides flush against each other._

_“Are you scared of death, Doyoung?”_

_With a shake of his head, Doyoung looks at Johnny. “I’m only scared of what I won’t be able to say beforehand.”_

 

 

 

 

 

Out of all the ways that Doyoung could find himself staring at death itself, he’s rather content with what’s been given to him. It’s come as a surprise, complete surprise, but he isn’t scared. Even now, how his fingers are curled up, blood staining his arm as he blinks up at the night sky, Doyoung isn’t scared. 

There’s no fear that fills his body. Even the pain that he knows he’s in, isn’t even noticeable. The pounding in his head is there. The labored breaths are noticeable. Even the way he can feel his legs become numb, the pain that should be there, isn’t. The only thing he physically feels is the way the rain hits his face, sliding off his cheeks only to repeat over and over again. 

Doyoung thinks back to the years that he’s had to enjoy. The moment he saw Jungwoo with his arms tightly holding a stack of books and eyes looking like a baby deer that’s learning to be on it’s own. The time when that same boy is in his dorm room when he walks in and he realizes that they’re roommates. How one study session turned into multiple which turned into doing more than just studying. 

How they shared their first kiss in the movie theater because Jungwoo was screaming out of fear and Doyoung wanted him to be quiet. How they shared too many kisses to count after that. The way they fell for each other on a hot summer night, feet busy pushing down the pedals of their shared bike, laughter echoing in the humid air. 

Doyoung remembers when he laid Jungwoo down onto his bed and pressed kisses along his neck. How they held hands the first time Doyoung pushed into him. The quiet whispers they shared and nervousness that made them both a little more sweatier than needed. The first time that Doyoung had the confidence to tell Jungwoo that he loved him. 

Even when Doyoung had to watch Jungwoo be with Jaehyun for the first time after they broke up, is a happy thought to him. The way the sparkle came back in Jungwoo’s eyes after being gone for several months. How Jaehyun took care of him when Doyoung disappeared from both their lives for three years. The way Jungwoo showed up at his apartment after asking Johnny for his address, to ask him to help him with planning his wedding. 

There are more ways to die than Doyoung can think of. Yet he’s thankful for the way he’s experiencing it. The way that the words that are carved into his skin, are ones from Jungwoo, make everything feel okay. It’s what allows the pain to be nonexistent. What allows him to even have the softest of smiles on his lips, bloodied corners tilted up. 

Because out of every possible way he could die, Doyoung is dying with Jungwoo’s thanks on his skin. A thank you that meant so much more than for the words that are carved onto Jungwoo’s arm.

**Author's Note:**

> { i hope you made it this far and if you did, thank you for reading! }  
> { this was sent to me on my cc and i fell in love with it so thank you for whoever sent it}  
> { [twt](https://twitter.com/buttercupwoo) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/wooberry) }  
> { playlist [x](https://8tracks.com/lehunn/these-last-words-are-ours) }


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